Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I Swore I Would Not Be That Kind Of Mom
I took Stinky with me to the gym for the first time. This was her first time being watched by another person besides my husband, momo, grandpa and auntie BB. I didn't think she would have a difficult time because she is fine when I leave to go to the bathroom and mommies at my mom's group watch her. So off we went to the gym. Being that I was a teacher of young children for as long as I had been I knew just what to do. I arrived early, introduced Stinky to the caregiver, hung out for 20 minutes and let Stinky know that I would be living in 5 minutes. When the 5 minutes ended, I kissed her goodbye and left. I had arranged for the caregiver to go ahead and come get me if she cries for 20 minutes. As I walked out the door my eyes began to water and I felt this tremendous sadness. I did not expect these emotions. On the first day of school I had watched so many people drop their children off hesitating to leave (making it so much harder for the child) and then stand at the door peaking in at their child. I swore I would never do that because I knew how well each child does once the parent leaves, I knew that even crying children do better once the parent leaves. Many times all I wanted was for the parent to go so we could get on with the day and the child could adjust. But there I was standing at that door watching to make sure she was ok. It took everything with in me not to walk back through that door pick her up and take her home. I could work out another day. But I turned around and walked away. Sure enough the caregiver came and got me, Stinky was standing at the door crying. I could exaggerate it because to me it felt like she was screaming hysterically but reall it was nothing I hadn't seen her do at bed time before. So I raced in picked her up to comfort her. She really does love mommy and knows when she is gone. Secretly, yeah! I gave her some food and water, maybe she was hungry. Let her calm down and then tried again. 10 minutes more into the class and I had to go check. Again I found her at the door screaming. Ok this time I was done. So I picked her up, thanked the poor caregiver (I know what that is like) and took my baby home. I am so that kind of mom!